Good citizens never use the word “utilize”

You may question this advice to good citizens because the choice of the word “utilize” over the word “use” is only a matter of style.  So let me give you three reasons why good citizens should choose “use.”
First, “utilize” is an affectation of the upper and academic classes. The majority of Americans, therefore, do not use “utilize” because they are not in those classes.  In America, majority is supposed to rule, but let’s not get into that one.
Second, “utilize” is an attempt to intimidate others into accepting an action as something legitimate. For example, “I utilize an electric razor” is more convincing than “I use an electric razor.”   It is a subtle but obnoxious form of propaganda.
Third, “utilize” is twice as long a word to pronounce and write as “use” and therefore a violation of the principle less is more.  What is worse, “utilize” uses more ink if written and more hot air if spoken, which makes it a contributing factor to global warming, if in fact there is such a thing.